


Long time no see

by Kuonaa



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games)
Genre: M/M, Ship, Sonadow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:34:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuonaa/pseuds/Kuonaa
Summary: Please be aware of the semi serious topics on this text.THIS FIC CONTAINS:Uncensored descriptions of mental illness (depression)Drug useMinor hints at self harmIf you still decide to continue on reading, here's a small summary:Shadow has been fighting with deep depression for 6 months, it has been years since he hasseen Sonic. With his ''help'' Shadow starts to ask some questions deep within. It's a possible start for slow healing process. Or maybeeven something more-
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

September:

Rouge walked towards Shadow's room. She made some tea with cinnamon. Just the right temperature to not burn his tongue, a little spoon of honey and served in his favorite tea mug. Just like he likes it. It seems like things got even worse when he got a sick leave from his job at the G.U.N. At least he could get the tea himself some months back.  
Rouge always tried to be calm and collected when talking to Shadow. She was worried, absolutely but couldn't show it to him. She knew that the last night was a very rough one. Shadow got home around 5am. He left his car somewhere, someone stole his keys and the whole night was a blur since he was drunk and so confused over some pills he took. It wasn't the first time Shadow cried into Rouge's shoulder on the front porch after a rough night.

She opened the door slowly. Just in case Shadow was sleeping.

She carefully asked: ''Shadow...?''

Seeing his room was always a shock. Even tho Rouge has gotten used to it. Once well kept, clean and organized room was a mess. Lights were off. The bedside table was full of used paper tissues, medicine and water bottles, dirty cups and other trash. The most used thing in the room, the bed wasn't too nice either. Nobody knows when was the last time he changed his sheets. The blanket was halfway to the floor. Cigarette ash was covering some corners of the bed. There was cigarette butts everywhere. In the flower pot and on top of the dirty dishes on the floor, clearly he didn't have the strength to go outside to smoke most of the time. The air was stuffy and dusty. It was very contrasting compared to the rest of the house to say the least. Rouge has tried to help him clean up but he gets very upset if she touches anything. He's probably too embarrassed to put his best friend, big sister even to help him over something that he himself caused.

The black hedgehog lifted up his head. Shadow's quills were tattered and unkept. He had a stained old black t-shirt on. His eyes were dark and not focusing on anything really. He looked dead from the inside. He hasn't taken a shower in at least 4 days. He barely ate anything. It wasn't necessary since he isn't a normal, biological hedgehog but even he knew that it would help to feel a bit better. He just didn't have the appetite for anything.

''Yeah?'' Shadow answered quietly. His voice was cracking and raspy.

''I made some tea. I'll leave it here.''  
Rouge said and put the mug besides the bed on the floor and continued: ''I'm off to work in about 5 minutes. I can get some food for you on my way back home, is that ok sweetie?''

Shadow slightly nodded not saying anything.

''Also-'' Rouge added: ''-I bought some new shampoo, it smells pretty nice you should try it out.'

Rouge looked at Shadow waiting for a reply, Shadow mumbled something as an agreement.

''Okay, i'll have to go now. I love you!'' Rouge said and turned around to leave and put her jacket on.

The door creaked, and shut down. Shadow was all alone in the silence. Shadow sighed and got the tea mug into his hands.  
It smelled nice. Cinnamon was one of his favorite tastes with tea. Just for a little moment he could escape the reality and just take in the delight.

He decided to get up from his bed and go to the front porch to smoke. Just so he could get out of the mess and musty air for a moment. He loved to drink his tea with some cigarettes. He opened the pack and to his dismay there was only one left. That meant that he had to go outside to get more...  
around people...

Shadow never was the most social guy in the world. But staying inside made him even more scared of people. He always thought that everybody knew what kind of a mess he was, how weak he was. He let the sadness and boredom with life to get into him like this. That's why he usually went outside only during nighttime, this time there was no choices. He HAD to get some nicotine. 

He remembered the shampoo Rouge was talking about earlier and decided to give it a go. At least he got something to do but first: The tea and the last cigarette. He sat on the porch. It was a relatively warm day even though it was September. He sipped the tea quickly and took in some whiffs. It was relaxing. That didn't last long tho, the second he stopped doing anything the dark thoughts entered to his mind once again. He looked at the burning ember in the end of his halfway done cig. He got the urge burn his arm with it but quickly snapped out of it. It's no use, why even bother. He couldn't feel pain for too long anyways, he healed too quickly. Shadow had these kind of thoughts daily. He really would have preferred if he didn't... exist...at all but... he couldn't die. He was the ultimate lifeform after all. Even if he wanted the world wouldn't let him. That's was the most depressing reason to keep going he knew. He couldn't escape his destructive mind ever. He felt like crying his eyes out but nothing came out. He has cried too much.

He quickly went back inside, threw his stained t-shirt into the laundry basket and went to the shower. Rouge was right, the shampoo smelled very nice. The shower felt very nice too, some warm water to wash all the shit away from the last night. He put some new clothes on, but didn't feel like putting his shoes on. Too much trouble for such a small trip. He put his summer sandals and went outside.

It was a pretty quiet day at the city. Perfect for Shadow. He walked briskly to the nearest small shop and bought 3 packs of cigs. Just when he was about to turn and walk back home something very fast passed him. It kinda took him back a bit. There was only one person who could do that.  
Sonic. When Shadow realized this he suddenly started to follow him. Why? He didn't know. The only thing he knew was that he HAD to see him. Sonic was very fast so Shadow needed to pick up the phase very soon after he started running. It was sluggish and awkward because he had the slippers on. He kept his ruby red eyes fixed on the blur in front of him. He didn't want to loose the chance to finally talk to him after so many years. 

They ran a bit further away from the city on to a opening of a small hill which still had some green grass from the summer months.  
Sonic stopped, so did Shadow. Shadow panted like a hound, he hasn't run like this in a very long time. He kinda felt a bit alive after that sprint. Then he realized that Sonic was looking at him.

It didn't take long for that familiar dumb smile to appear and he charged at Shadow: ''SHADOW OH MY GOD IT'S YOU!'' 

Shadow didn't have any time to react when Sonic gave him a big, tight bear hug.

Sonic started babbling: ''Shadow, it's been so long! How are you buddy? You have no idea how glad i'm to see you once again!''

Shadow still didn't say anything, he just looked at Sonic. He hasn't changed a bit. The same very pointy and messy quills, the same dumb smile, the same faded freckles on his cheeks, the same very questionable fashion sense oozing the 90's, the same semi- irritating tone in his voice and of course, the same piercing, shining emerald green eyes full of positive energy and child-like curiosity. Shadow froze to look into them. it's been too long since he was blessed with those eyes.

He was so taken back at this sudden burst of words and questions so he answered: ''Yeah... i'm okay'' 

He didn't want to ruin Sonic's mood. He was so naive about everything that has happened to Shadow. Sonic wasn't dumb, he probably knew that everything wasn't alright but still kept on going with his long speech. Shadow has always liked that about Sonic, it didn't matter if didn't answer everything. Sonic treated him like everybody else. With his compassion and friendliness. He was just Shadow to him. Not an emotional mess that he actually was.

''I was wondering, do you still live in this city?'' - Sonic asked. ''I actually finally settled down here with Knucks and tails. We had some nice adventures but we really need some rest for now.'' 

''Yeah, at Rouge's house.'' Shadow answered hiding the fact that he actually lived alone but had to go back to Rouge since he couldn't survive when he was on his own. 

''That's great! I actually still remember the address. Maybe i'll visit you guys on some point. I haven't seen Rouge in a long long time either.'' Sonic said. 

''Okay... i'm sure she would be very glad to see you...'' Shadow said not looking at Sonic. The only thing he had in his mind was the state of his room. He simply couldn't let Sonic see it. 

''That's a deal then! Do you or Rouge have work over the weekend, i could visit then?'' 

''No, I'll let Rouge know that you're coming.'' Shadow said obviously stressed. 

Sonic didn't waste time on breaking Shadow's personal space once again. He hugged him and exclaimed: ''Okay see ya!'' and sped off. 

Shadow sighed deeply, it was already Thursday. He didn't have the time to clean. He was alone with his thoughts once again. He was anxious and very relieved at the same time. What a paradox. He began to walk back home and finally opened the new pack of cigs. Just about 6 hours before Rouge got back home and he could tell her the news.


	2. Cherry rolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonic is over at Rouge's house. Something positive happens with Shadow. It's slight but still a great start.

Rouge was very excited by the news. She started preparing for Sonic's arrival by cleaning the whole house Friday morning, except for Shadow's room of course.  
Seeing Rouge at work made Shadow even more anxious. He knew that he could get help from her but he didn't want to bother her with his own mess.

Shadow looked at his bed. Even the thought of getting to work made him exhausted. There was so much trash and other shit around the room. He didn't know where to even start with.  
He sat down, put his palms over his face and sighed loudly. He was at the brink of a meltdown. Rouge came in to the room and saw Shadow trembling on his bed.

She sat next to him.  
''Shadow, honey... What's wrong?'' she asked.

Shadow took a long pause and stopped breathing for a second and answered quickly:  
''I... I can't do this.''

''What do you mean?'' Rouge asked with a confused look on her face.

Shadow almost shed a tear:  
''I... cannot clean this shit. i just can't. It's too much.''

Rouge's face changed, it was a bit darker for a second but then she had a warming smile on her face:  
''That's okay Shadow. You don't need to push yourself over something like this. You can always just not let Sonic in this room. Just keep the door closed, okay dear?''

Shadow wasn't too pleased with the idea, but he guessed there was nothing more he could do.  
''I don't understand. Why is something like this pushing me over the edge so much? It's... just a mess... that i caused...''

''Maybe you're just exhausted over worrying about this so much. I know how weird it can be to actually have guests over. It's been a long while after all.''  
Rouge comforted.

''Rouge...?'' Shadow started to ask very quietly.

''Yes Shadow?''

''...if i cannot face Sonic, could you come up with an excuse for me? I don't want him to get worried. Please?'' He finished.

''Of course Shadow. Let's hope you can though. Try not to think about it too much, everything's going to be okay.'' Rouge answered with a sweet tone in her voice.  
Rouge was so proud of Shadow actually expressing his feelings with words. It took a long time to learn but everything was easier to understand when Shadow said it out loud.  
Shadow clearly trusted her, that's the biggest compliment she could have.

''Thank you, Rouge.'' Shadow said with gratitude.

Rouge smiled warmly, got up from the bed and returned to her cleaning project. Shadow stayed in his room staring at a wall. Sure he got anxious sometimes but usually it didn't have a reason. This time Shadow knew exactly what was so unnerving to him. He was very shaken up about the encounter with Sonic. When Sonic hugged he felt it again. The same faint feeling of something that he had earlier all those years ago. Shadow knew what it was. He used to talk about it with Rouge a lot. He was shy, he was dumb and didn't know what the feeling was back then before it was too late and Sonic disappeared. Now he was back, maybe he got another chance. Maybe this was his last chance but he just couldn't get the courage to do or say anything. He felt helpless. So many thoughts were going thru his mind at once. Was Sonic just messing with him all those years ago? They were stupid teenagers after all. Knowing Sonic that wouldn't be out of the question. Sonic was the person to go with his impulses. He always just grabbed the chance when he got it. Maybe Sonic felt awkward about that and didn't want to talk about it anymore. Maybe Shadow broke the illusion of a tough and confident ultimate life form that one day. Probably Shadow was just confused and curious when he was younger... he fucking hoped so but the fact is that the faint feeling was still there. Even when Shadow was struggling with his own psyche. That's something you couldn't simply ignore. 

Then the doorbell rang. Shadow snapped out of his thoughts and started panicking. He heard Sonic and Rouge laughing at the hallway. He couldn't breathe.  
It was a panic attack.

''Where's Shadow btw? He said that he didn't have work today?'' Sonic asked as he was looking around the kitchen when Rouge was pouring him a cup of coffee.

''Let's just give him some time ok? I'll go check up on him soon.'' Rouge said handing the cup for Sonic.

''Is he sick? Why should you ''check up'' on him? Sonic asked grabbing the cup.

Rouge was silent for a moment: ''No he isn't sick. It has been a difficult morning for him. ''

''Oh, okay... if you go tho tell him that i'm here, i'd love to see him too!'' Sonic said smiling like a little kid.

Rouge smiled and turned her back hiding her nervous gaze towards Shadow's room. She knew that it would escalate like this.  
She opened the door silently and whispered:  
''Shadow..?''

Shadow was still sitting on the bed, shivering a bit. He had tears of terror in his eyes:  
''I'm fine Rouge. I'll come out soon...just give me a second.''

Rouge just nodded quickly and shut the door behind her.

''Well?'' she heard Sonic shouting from the kitchen.

She sighed and got back to Sonic:  
''Sonic. I want to be real with you right now. you deserve to know.''

Sonic stared at Rouge signaling for her to continue:  
''Shadow is not doing good. He hasn't been himself for months. I'm worried about him.''

Sonic looked confused but still tried to answer something:  
''Wow... sorry i didn't know about that. Shadow was acting kinda weird when i saw him last tho...''

''Yeah..'' Rouge continued: ''He said that he's coming out soon though. Please do not tell him that i said this, okay? I promised not to tell you but I just couldn't keep my mouth shut.''

''I understand, I'm just happy too see him.'' Sonic said smiling brightly again.

Rouge smiled back. Sonic sure did know how to lift the spirits up just for being his happy self. Sonic had this positive aura that she has been needing for a long while.

Shadow looked to the mirror one last time to make sure it didn't look like that he cried. He stopped at the door for a second, took a deep breath and opened it.  
Sonic and Rouge moved their ears to the direction the sound was coming from. They didn't want to make a show about the fact that Shadow actually decided to show up so they continued their chatting pretending they didn't hear anything. Shadow walked to the kitchen, he looked very tired and apathetic but still forced a very faint smile.

''Hey Sonic.'' he said quietly.

''Hi Shadow! It's been too long since i've seen you last!'' Sonic jumped up and hugged Shadow tightly.

Shadow was taken back by this and froze up standing in the kitchen's door frame with Sonic around his chest.  
Rouge giggled a little bit. Sonic realized this and quickly let go of him.

''Ah, sorry... I didn't mean to scare ya. Maybe it's the caffeine. Rouge makes pretty strong coffee haha... Speaking of that, want some?'' Sonic babbled.

Shadow looked at Rouge a bit surprised, Rouge looked at Shadow and raised her shoulders still smiling. That silent kind of brother/sister talk.  
Shadow didn't want to waste too much time answering to Sonic's question: ''Yeah...'' and before he knew it Sonic pretty much pushed him to the kitchen table and gave the cup to his hands. So much energy all of the sudden, like little boy was let loose all over a candy store. It was pretty endearing to say the least. Rouge couldn't stop smiling as Sonic babbled on and searched for a knife to cut a baked roll he brought. Shadow just stared at Sonic. He didn't know how to even behave in this kind of situation. 

''Ah here they are!'' Sonic said grabbing a dull knife and quickly turned to face Shadow. He smiled very widely.

Shadow turned his gaze to the coffee cup.  
Sonic started to cut the roll and gave a pieces of it to Rouge and Shadow. ''Please tell me it's good. I hope you like the sweet cherry filling in them.''

''Shadow actually loves cherries.'' Rouge said slightly looking at Shadow who was staring at the piece.  
Shadow grabbed it and carefully started putting it closer to his mouth to take a bite but stopped to look at Rouge and Sonic.  
Rouge was eating slowly and elegantly, Sonic shoved the whole piece into his mouth at once filling up his cheeks. Shadow couldn't help smiling at this silly sight. It was a genuine smile.

Sonic already started to shove another piece into his mouth. He clearly loved to eat.  
''Want more?'' he tried to ask with his mouth full of the roll.

Shadow chuckled just a little bit: ''No thanks, i think you like it more.''

''What do you mean by that?'' Sonic said licking his fingers with a cheeky smile.

''Oh nothing.'' Shadow said turning his head away from Sonic still smiling a bit.

Rouge wanted to hide her delight. She was so happy to see Shadow smile, even if it was just a little bit and quick.  
Rouge got up from her chair and said: ''I think i'm going to finish the coffee on the porch, wanna join me Shadow?'' Knowing that Sonic probably didn't smoke as often as they did if at all.

Shadow got up to follow Rouge. Sonic knew what they were going to do so he decided to focus on his phone continuing texting with Tails.  
Shadow and Rouge sat down on the chairs and Rouge started:  
''You still like him huh?''

Shadow froze up for a moment but then relaxed a bit: ''I... don't know. Really...''

Rouge looked at Shadow who was drawing a circle on his cup with his finger.  
''You kinda look like it i think.''

Shadow was silent for a moment and then he kinda let his guard down a bit, speaking quietly:  
''I... still feel something, i know it's stupid... I didn't know that this was going to happen all over again. I just don't know what he thinks about it. I think it would be too awkward to everybody. I think i'll just try to live with it. Even though it's hard. You know...''

Rouge took a whiff at her cig and answered: ''I think you should be honest with him, just tell him. I'm sure he'll understand.''

''But i don't know if he is still... like that.'' Shadow insisted.

''You'll never know if you don't try at least.'' Rouge said smiling.

Shadow thought about her words for a moment and then he said:  
''Give me some time. If this shit doesn't stop i don't think that i can keep being silent about it. I've been trough that before.''

''Exactly, but remember: It cannot take forever. It's now or never'' Rouge said nudging at Shadow's shoulder.

Rouge knew about these things so well. Shadow couldn't do anything but respect her for that. He didn't know where he would be if she wasn't there.  
They both got up and went back inside. Sonic was already waiting for them.


	3. Girls are not his thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of questions
> 
> (oopsie forgot that this existed. Oh well here's another chapter:)

Even though Rouge loosely promised Shadow to leave him be she couldn't help but open the conversation with Sonic who was sitting on the couch.

''Hey Sonic, it's been a long while since we have seen you. I'm just wondering, have you met Amy yet?'' She asked.

''Uh... I saw her yesterday. As you can probably assume already she was pretty excited to see me.'' Sonic replied not looking at her and smirking a bit.

Shadow heard them mentioning Amy and tried to be in the hearing distance. He didn't want to barge in to the conversation so he listened it from a far. From the kitchen in fact pretending to do something with the cabinets.

''Ha, classic Amy! Were you as excited?'' Rouge asked to get some deeper information about the encounter.

''I mean of course! It's always a joy to see some old friends.'' Sonic laughed.

''Friends?'' Rouge asked looking directly at Sonic.

''Yeah? Friends indeed. I actually finally decided to make my feelings for her clear...''

Shadow stopped digging the cabinets and felt his heart sink.

''... That I still don't like her like that. Not even after all these years. She is a very sweet gal, but not for me. Sonic finished.

''Really?'' Rouge was a bit surprised. So was Shadow. ''Not even a little bit? Do you have some other girl in mind then?''

Sonic started smiling, and chuckled a bit: ''Haha, no. I don't even think about girls at all Rouge!''

Shadow really felt that one. Did that response mean that... he... nah.

Rouge was silent for a bit but then continued: ''So you're still not interested in any of that stuff huh? You haven't changed a bit.''

''Actually.'' Sonic started babbling. ''Since i have been away for so long I have had some time to think about myself and grow up. I think that girls at least are not my thing i guess?''

Shadow dropped a plate. Everybody heard that. Sonic and Rouge walked to the kitchen. Shadow was standing frozen looking at them holding his hands like he still had the plate. 

''Are you okay Shadow?'' Rouge asked smirking a bit.

''Uh.. Yeah it just slipped. Let me clean this mess up...'' Shadow said quietly and started picking the largest pieces of the broken plate from the floor. 

''Huh, how can you even be that careless Shadow?'' Sonic taunted him. ''Oh yeah, you're always a bit careless.''

''What is that supposed to mean? Shadow asked while he got the dustpan out. 

''Nothing.'' Sonic said quickly and turned around to hide his grin. He didn't want to piss Shadow off.

Later in the evening when Sonic left Shadow finally relaxed a bit. Rouge got on the couch next to him and started to tease him a bit.  
''Did you hear what Sonic said about the ''girls not being his thing''?''

''Yeah I did, what about it?'' Shadow said not looking at Rouge.

''Well, maybe he's kinda like you. With boys you know?''

Shadow already felt awkward but decided to not change the subject. Rouge knew him too well already.  
''Uh. Maybe? I have no idea. It can be that he just doesn't care about that stuff with anyone.''

''How can you be so sure?'' Rouge asked. ''You didn't ask him. Maybe he's the gayest thing on this planet earth behind our backs and even beats you with that title.'' 

''Please let's not talk about this. I don't wanna know what he does in his free time.'' Shadow was embarrassed.

''Yes you do wanna!'' Rouge laughed.

Shadow didn't say anything to that one. He was bright red. Not too flattering state for the ultimate life form.  
''I'm going to bed. I don't feel like talking.''

''Wait! I almost forgot! Sonic gave his phone number to us. Wanna save it for yourself Romeo?'' Rouge shouted and cackled from the couch.

''I don't need it! ... Did he really?'' Shadow said turning his head a bit.

''Yep, it's on the fridge door. He insisted to put it there so we won't forget it. He is so stuck with that whole ''writing on paper'' thing. Also I gave him your number, you're welcome!''

Shadow sighed deeply and walked into his room and shut the door. He didn't have anything to say. He plopped down to his bed, raised his hand and started to look at his claws. He didn't know why he did it but it kinda kept him from not slipping into too much fantasy. He has done that before and even though it's lovely it's sad when he wakes up from it.  
But something about Rouge's last words made him to think about how endearing Sonic would be to him. Sure, Sonic was kinda dumb, complete opposite to Shadow, careless, irritating and too full of himself sometimes but at the same time all those ridiculous characteristics made him sympathetic. That specific mix of irritating and lovable Sonic only could master was fascinating to Shadow. He didn't know why. Maybe he just liked idiots that made his own insecurities and worries to disappear for a second or two. Shadow was slipping into it. He closed his eyes for a moment and pictured Sonic's lively eyes. Green wasn't a color Shadow ever cared about but nothing else would have fitted for Sonic better than that deep green. Shadow started to think about that color, it made him oddly peaceful. He also always wondered how would Sonic's quills feel like. Something like his own or something completely different? He always wanted to touch them. He always wanted to touch him. But he couldn't. Would things be different if he actually decided to go with it? Would something amazing happen if he decided to do it now? Or would it be just a honey moon phase? What if everything goes to shit when the reality hits in? 

Should he call him? What if Sonic calls first?

Shadow was deep into his thoughts and began to fall asleep. The only thing was always there was this whole mess of anxiety and happiness. That blue idiot was really messing up Shadow without even knowing it.


End file.
